A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) by Eve Rodsky

READ THE BOOK HERE

– PART 3/ How to win at fair play; playing for keeps

TLDR –

The cards

It is finally in this section that Rodsky really explains the “100 Cards of Fair Play”. These cards include different suits; home, out, caregiving, magic and wild. Each suit has different tasks from cleaning to auto to childcare. Rodsky reminds the players of the concept of CPE; conceiving, planning, and executing a task.

Hi, my name is Jen and I’m reading the parenting books and articles so you don’t have to. 

Playing the Game

Game On! It’s now time to bring your partner into playing the game.

I’m going to take a little diversion here. Let’s talk about the difficulty in getting your partner on board with relationship-oriented activities. How did you find yourself in this precarious position in the first place? Chances are your relationship has become strained over the past few years to get you to the point where you need to “play a game” in order to repair the damages done.

From the Gottman Institute:

• 31% of couples take a premarital relationship education program.
• Only 19% of couples actually seek out some form of couples therapy and only 37% of divorced couples worked with a professional prior to signing the papers.
• The average couple waits six years before seeking professional help for marital problems.

Okay, back to Rodsky.

Rodsky actually took the time to write some notes to the partners taking part in the game. Which is lovely! Take a moment, if you will, to think about your partner’s experience in your relationship. How might he or she be feeling? Not everyone is going to be on the same page at the same time and not everyone is capable of identifying exactly how they feel either. Thankfully, the Fair Play game doesn’t need you to talk our feelings, it does require you though, to collaborate and be open to solving your logistics issues.

This is what Rodsky says; “On behalf of your partner, THANK YOU for showing up to the table. Her invitation to engage you in Fair Play is a testament of her devotedness to your relationship. Your willingness to engage her signals a mutual commitment from you. Hats off to you both. Your joint participating and “two-player” approach is a solid start to what comes next.”

Truly, the whole point of the game is to encourage both partners to communicate better with a pathway to sorting out the logistical nightmare that is adding children (a child) to a previously fairly balanced relationship.

Play the Game

After you’ve done the work, it’s time to check in. Just like in couples therapy (assuming you have had an experience with a therapist to know this), you cannot just go once and expect that everything is going to be hunky dory now. No, these things take maintenance. Check-in and reconfirm the work you’re doing.

Steps:

1. Set a Check-In Date
2. Take Stock (of your task cards)
3. Re-Deal or Hold
4. Plan Ahead

Then check-in and check-in again. Because these things take work. And, if you remember the end goal, it is to be happier and healthier. It is to reclaim your “Unicorn Space,” that thing that makes you uniquely interesting and brings you your joy. Mine? Writing this blog. However, It is possible to overextend yourself. So beware.

Summary

By engaging in regular dialogue and actively participating in the equality of tasks in your relationship, you both become your own heroes. Understanding the work that it takes to get things done to maintain your lifestyle can encourage your happiness in your home, your marriage, and in your family. When household work is shared, partners collaborate, time is valued, everyone gets the opportunity to be happy.

Next read – How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids by Jancee Dunn (Coming Soon)

• BEDSHARING & SLEEP TRAINING
• FAIR PLAY (Part Three)
• FAIR PLAY (Part Two)
• FAIR PLAY (Part One)
• SEARS BABY BOOK (Part Two)